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How to Be Kind

I'm Kyle Smith. I've been a hospice chaplain for fifteen years.

I sit with people who are dying. Not sometimes—every day. I hold hands that are cold and thin. I listen to final words. I witness the last breaths. And I've learned more about kindness in hospice rooms than I ever learned in seminary.

Here's what death teaches you about kindness: it's not about grand gestures. It's about presence. It's about showing up when showing up is hard. It's about the small moment of connection that says, "You matter. You're not alone."

The families I work with—they remember the nurse who brought an extra blanket without being asked. The aide who took time to brush their mother's hair. The doctor who sat down instead of standing. The kindnesses that cost almost nothing but meant everything.

I write about kindness because I've seen what happens without it. And I've seen what happens with it. The difference is everything.

If You're Tired of Pretending

This section is for the ones who are exhausted from performing kindness they don't feel. The ones who smile at coworkers while crumbling inside. Who say "I'm fine" seventeen times a day. Who are so busy caring for others that their own needs disappeared somewhere around Tuesday.

Sheila Bishop writes for you. She knows what it's like to be kind to everyone except yourself. To feel like a fraud because your inside doesn't match your outside. Her piece on self-kindness isn't about bubble baths and face masks—it's about the radical act of admitting you're struggling while still trying to be good.

The imperfection isn't a flaw in the kindness. It's the proof it's real.

• Self_Kindness — When you need permission to be a mess
• Teaching_Kids_Kindness — For parents running on fumes

Where to Start

If kindness feels hard right now:

• When You Have Nothing Left to Give — Compassion fatigue is real.
• Kindness When You're Struggling — You can't pour from empty.
• Small Acts, Big Impact — Start where you are.

If you want to be kinder:

• The Practice of Presence — Just being there. It's enough.
• Listening as Kindness — Rarer than you think.
• Kindness To Strangers — The ones you'll never see again.

If you're dealing with difficult people:

• Kindness With Boundaries — They're not opposites.
• When Kindness Isn't Reciprocated — Do it anyway? Or walk away?
• The Kindness of Honesty — Sometimes the kindest thing is the hardest.

If you want to understand compassion:

• Why Kindness Matters — Beyond "being nice."
• The Ripple Effect — Kindness spreads. Really.
• Self Kindness — The foundation for everything else.

A Note on This Wiki

I've cried more in the last fifteen years than I did in the forty before them. I've held people as they died. I've sat with families in the worst moments of their lives. And somehow, instead of burning out, I've found meaning.

What I've learned is that kindness isn't about feeling good. It's about acting good—even when you feel terrible. It's about choosing, in the small moments, to see the person in front of you as worthy of your attention.

This wiki won't teach you to be a saint. I'm not one. But it might help you be a little kinder. And in my experience, a little kindness goes a very long way.

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— Kyle Smith, holding space